John's first blog post

Ashley has encouraged me to write a blog post, probably before she even started the blog, so alas I will comply. 

Reasons why I am complying:

1. In an effort to be a good husband, I should put forth the effort to help make my wife smile.
2. Ashley is 2 weeks away from our second child’s due date. 
3. I have never written a blog post, so when in Rome... I don’t know if that applies here.
4. She has been extremely helpful with P90X stuff and I probably owe her a few posts at this point.
5. I love Ashley!

On with the post... so what to talk about. I feel like as a guy I should talk about the latest sports news, or maybe some work out routine; however, I believe the majority of people who will actually read this post have little interest in these subjects. If I have offended anyone, I apologize. Let’s talk about Rowan. I feel like he is the most interesting part of my life right now, and Ashley posts a lot about him. So let’s put a man’s perspective to this thing we call parenting. 

I work a lot and am often left missing my wife and son. I spend a good amount of time at work some days thinking about how I would like to be home playing with Rowan or taking him on a walk. I feel like these ‘daydreaming’ sessions are always a little unrealistic. 

DayDream: Rowan is always right on the same page with what I want to do. We roll the ball back and forth multiple times; he sits patiently while I read him a book; we go for a walk and Rowan points and yells at different things; he laughs and I never seem to have to change a diaper. 

Reality: I get home from work most days rather tired and try to play with Rowan; but many days I fail and Rowan for some reason never wants to play the game I want to play. Last night Rowan woke up around 11:30 pm - a few hours after bedtime. I made the attempt to go in his room, calm him down and put him back to bed. As Rowan has become extremely attached to his mother (which, to be honest, I can’t blame him), he relies on her comfort to calm down. I went in to put Rowan to sleep and the crying/screaming only got worse. I don’t think I calmed him down one bit, but instead I worked him up a little more (close to a frenzy). Long story short, I failed big time. I went back to the bedroom defeated and sent in the heavy artillery. I could hear the calming effect as Ashley walked in his bedroom. Three seconds later, silence. Rowan is falling to sleep in Ashley’s arms and everything is at peace again. She lays him back down he makes a little fuss and then we are all sound asleep for the night (well Ashley is super pregnant, so she may not be sleeping soundly, but from my perspective it was quite sound sleep). 

Now to my favorite part: Tonight! Sooo tonight we had a monthly group meeting for Cru/Impact. The house was full of people and we were enjoying some fellowship, Jesus, and fun. Ashley put Rowan to sleep about half way through the shindig. However, about an hour later Rowan was crying and screaming (we might not have been very quiet). So  I figured why not try another attempt at calming my son. Ashley was busy talking about prayer and its importance, so I had no back-up. I walked in thinking this may be a feeble attempt and feeling a little defeated already, but hey what’s a guy to do but try.

I slipped in the room and reached for my son who was already standing in his crib. I calmly placed him on my shoulder and the crying continued. But this time instead of increasing it seemed to be tapering off. After a brief minute, Rowan was not crying but instead laying his head on my shoulder, first on the right, then the left, then the right, then the left (it made me think of myself trying to fall asleep). And then the moment came when everything in his body seemed to relax and he was asleep ("SUCCESS!!!" is what screamed in my head, but silence on the outside). I layed my son back in his bed after reveling in the moment for a good 10 minutes and with a smooth rub on his back he barely made a peep. I tiptoed out of the room to join back in the festivities. 

I think God blesses us with these little moments when we need them most. With Rowan depending on mom so much and a new baby on the way that will literally depend on Ashley for sustenance, at times it seems like the “dad role” is not as important. I know that providing for my family is a huge blessing from God, not just for the opportunity, but also just having a good job. I can’t thank and praise God enough for those things. He truly is the great provider. I will say though that when God gives me the chance to help put Rowan to sleep and calm him down, when God helps my work daydreams come true, those are the little moments when I feel most blessed to be a father and get a little picture of how our Father holds us in His hands and calms us.

“big gulps ehh.... welp see you later”